!!!!

i have a ton of things to write , too much jumbled inside my head to even get any of it out straight.

nothing at all!

ok, i have to really get used to this whole writting my thoughts down on a computer instead of paper thingy lol! but.. ok. for the past couple of days its been complicated at home, trying to get things done and keep my head on straight.
i have been having wierd dreams about my ex. i have no idea why but in all them he doesnt play a big role.. he's just someone there not saying a word just a part of the crowd.. kinda creepy but i guess its more my deal than his. i guess i kinda always still look behind and around me to not run into him. i really need to get over this .. time will help more :)

today is THE day!

today is the day i start putting my thoughts and daily accounts on a computer rather than paper.. we'll see how it turns out considering im not the greatest at typing. just to tell a little about myself...
My birth given name is Alicia but for some strange odd reason of which I have no idea, everyone i know calls me Lisa, and I prefer Lisa over Alicia since the only time my parents ever called me Alicia is when I was in SERIOUS trouble .. and yes, that was often (depending on the day). I live in Arizona and i have lived here my entire life. I am of Native American decent and NO, I dont have a "native name" and I do not live a tee pee or have long hair.. I am not your stereo typical Native other than the fact that I occasionally get drunk. Iam a single mother of two wonderfull awful monsters. I love them with everyhing that I am. Their life hasnt been an easy one and I blame that solely on myself. I had plenty of oppertunities to make life for them bettter but in my selfishness I chose what I wanted instead of what they needed. Their father was an abusive controlling man that I chose to stay with for a little over 5 years. Since I've seperated from him, It has been a rough two years filled with police reports, homelessness, and alot of self pitty. It has taken alot to move forward but every new day is a new begining to a new life for me and my children. I am an open book and I do my best to be as honest as I can without hurting or interfearing with other peoples lives that were somehow intangled in my own life. My life has not been an easy one but i have learned and adapted to the harsh realities of life. so, with all that said... i hope you enjoy!